AnonymousDeleted UserOctober 7, 2020 at 8:10 pm
When I first became a Christian, I had a very robust practice of spiritual disciplines, daily Bible reading, prayer, and journaling every morning and night. I am thankful for my commitment to the disciplines at that young age because I think it formed a comfort with the Bible and intimate prayer life early on, but I think that my commitment was founded in a rigidity of obedience and pride, a sense of duty that we discussed with Brueggemann.
When I went to college, I became a part of a different community, a reformed, PCA spiritual community, and it was there that my pastor challenged us to move away from legalism and to rest in the work of Christ, and to see those “spiritual disciplines” instead as a means of grace, and I stopped living in the habitual daily practice, because I no longer felt shame for not doing my daily quiet time. I also think that at that time, I learned to integrate meditation on scripture and prayer into my daily life, “walking and praying”, I would call it. I think that I have had a robust spiritual life interwoven with contemplation and intimacy with the works of the Holy Spirit.
I think that I am hesitant to engage in anything that resembles my legalistic posture or regularity from my young age anymore, because I am afraid that I will fall into a pattern of shame when I forget or do not do my “daily practice”. I feel very at ease in my relationship with God and that I am able to rely upon and turn to God in all aspects of my life, it is often the only way for me to deal with the onslaught of pain, trauma, distress, and conflict that I have to face both in my life and those of the people I love around me. I am open to trying new methods of spirituality and prayer, but I also am comfortable in the environment that I’ve cultivated over the years of my life, though I do wonder sometimes, if I am too comfortable! Then I remember and see the fruit of my spiritual life, that earthly things offer me little to no comfort, and that my primary source of comfort continues to be God, and I trust that God is at work.