AnonymousDeleted UserOctober 6, 2020 at 8:17 pm
I have never really engaged in contemplative prayer. In the past I have shied away from anything that would have sounded to me like, “eastern meditation,” and I was taught not to trust types of prayer that did not actively engage the mind, as that could open oneself up to demonic voices.
Crazy, right? Though my understanding has drastically changed about the subject, I’ve still been hesitant to try it out. Most people I mention this to, have suggested that it is because I’m afraid of silence, or going deep. (They know me as a very upbeat and extroverted person.) But I do not think this is the case. I often pursue silence, and regularly take time to pay attention to what I’m feeling, what my mind is focused on and why, ect. I often find myself retreating to my thoughts as a way to relax, to calm down, and destress. So why have I avoided contemplative prayer? Because the idea of it feels more like stress than relaxation, which is the point of it. Being silent in my environment sounds nice. Trying to pursue silence in my mind sounds futile, or worse, detrimental.
I’m learning that I might be wrong about that, however. So I am curious. I do want to learn how to listen to the voice of God. In the past I have felt burned because, in seeking the voice of God, I have not received it. But I have to understand that contemplative prayer is not a search for the miraculous, but more a seeking for discipline. It is about practicing a posture of listening, and that is a challenge that I need to face in my spiritual walk.