AnonymousDeleted UserSeptember 26, 2020 at 2:06 am
I think it’s interesting to consider the narratives we have been given by society and our communities that we then try to fit ourselves into, and then also consider how our self-narration evolves over time. I feel like I’ve rewritten the tellings of my own story from when I first shared my testimony at my baptism at 14, year after year, until now the story has evolved. I think at a midpoint in my journey ( in my early years I was very fundamentalist) I kind of scorned my younger self for her zealousness, but I think that God has shown me love and grace for my younger self? Shown me that even if I acted foolishly or unwisely that my intentions and heart was in the right place, and that I am still that fervent zealous teenage girl, just with of my edges sanded down now, and to love that inner child. I think that it helps me to realize that maybe in 5 or 10 years, I’ll look back at my current self and think or feel similarly as I do now about 5 or 10 years ago, but that I can extend the same grace to myself as I attempt to narrate my own story. I think there’s grace for you in that Yising as you wrestle with your narratives, and I think the Bible inspires me too, stories like Jonah’s but also the four Gospels are telling the same story in four different ways, and like the four faces of God in Ezekiel, we are seeing Jesus (and ourselves) in new seasons, eyes, and light, and there’s something to be gained in all of it, there doesn’t need to be one static authoritative story, but many versions.
I was inspired as a teenager when I learned about how many of the impressionists would go out into nature and paint the same subject again and again and again (haystacks, trees, flowers, lilies etc), because the subject would change depending on the season, depending on the time of day, the light, the weather. Sometimes we feel like to know something in its essence we capture it in a static “authentic” true moment, but to understand the haystack in the field, we paint it, again and again, summer, winter, spring, fall, morning, noon, evening, and that is our relationship both to our own stories, the Gospel/the Bible, and ourselves in the meta-narrative God is writing!